We all have friends who make us wince when they walk in. We know that within five minutes they will have us completely depressed, and feeling that there is nothing we can do about it. Their lives are desperate, sad, tragic, bored or whatever, and odds on you have a sympathetic ear, so you listen and they keep coming back to tell you more.

Do you know why? Because it makes them feel better. They make you feel like you want to jump out the nearest window, and they leave whistling and smelling the roses. Now this is crazy.

If you are surrounded by people like this, it’s not going to be hard to change-it’s going to be near impossible. It may be hard to get them out of your life because they’re your biggest customer, a relative or your business partner. But whatever else you do, you really do need to draw a line in the sand. If more of the people you mix with are negative than positive, you have a problem, which will only get worse over time and keep you trapped in the cycle of feeling overwhelmed.

I made a very conscious decision a number of years ago about the type of people I would have in my life. I want to be surrounded by energetic, enthusiastic and positive people who are getting on with their lives. I don’t care what they do for a living, how much money they have or who they know. All I care about is their zest for life. These people inspire me and motivate me to be the best person I can be; they are supportive of any decision or change that will help me to achieve this goal. If I fail, they are the first people to support me and say at least I gave it a go.

If I listened to the negative people I wouldn’t do anything, because life is clearly so damn messed up that there is nothing I can possibly do that would make it any better. There is no malicious intent in these people, it’s just a reflection of where they are at in life at the time. And that is sad, but we all need to decide if we want to be equally sad. I made the decision not to and that was that.

I suggest that you develop a way of keeping such people at arm’s length. Some of them won’t like you for it, and they will tell you so. Be prepared for some repercussions, but stay resilient because the pay-off is big. If you don’t know where to find positive, energetic, enthusiastic people, ask around. They are normally busy people who are getting on with life. The people sitting around in coffee shops and bars all day long clearly have too much time on their hands.

What can I do today?

Identify the people around you who fit in the negative category and start making a plan of how you will get them out of your life, or at least minimise the impact they have on you. At the same time, make a list of the places where you might be able to meet and mix with positive, like-minded people.

I have a client I meet with once a week. He spends the first half-hour of our meeting moaning and complaining about the company he works for. It is tragic and sad and, to be honest, very depressing. My advice to him is always the same-leave. Find a company where you will be happy; life is far too short for ongoing misery.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained from gossiping, moaning and complaining; on the contrary, it has a long-term negative effect on those around you. It can also start to create a corporate culture that revolves around this mentality. Gossip only works if it is passed on.

Creating a positive, nurturing environment is far more important and the rewards are far greater. But it takes an effort to break the cycle if it already exists in your business-and you may be the main culprit.

Every time you find yourself starting to gossip, moan or complain, stop yourself in your tracks and rethink what you were going to say. If you have staff gossiping, moaning or complaining to you, let them know that you are simply not interested. Tell them that you don’t like to gossip, moan or complain-you have moved on. Some people won’t like this, but tough. (With reference to the client I was talking about, sometimes it’s not so easy to put a stop to it. It may be that the only answer is to drop such clients if they are too depressing.)

Balance and harmony in life is as much about what you say and hear as it is about what you see and do. Negativity breeds negativity; positivity breeds success.

What can I do today?

Make a concerted effort from this minute on not to get involved in gossiping, moaning or complaining, in any shape or form.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Gossiping, Moaning, Complaining[/tags]

Small Business Syndrome relates to all the negatives of having a small business-and yes, there are a number of them, but in my opinion the positives far outweigh the negatives. And let’s be honest: if they didn’t, why on earth would you ever start your own business?

Anyone who has been in small business for any period of time will have heard all the lines about how hard it is. Staff are nothing but trouble, suppliers always let you down, money is always tight, the hours you have to work are crazy, the stress you have to endure will ultimately break you, and so on. This suffering is normally passed on in self-pity workshops with other small business owners (and I will talk about these work­shops a little later).

I love my business. I describe it as exciting, energetic and stimulating. I can come and go as I please, I get to make decisions on the spot about how business is done, if I work hard I earn more, I contribute to society through my business and get to build relationships with incredible people, many of whom work with me. Sure, I have all the other stuff to deal with as well, but I don’t focus on that anywhere near as much as I focus on the good stuff.

It’s easy to forget the good points about having your own business. The grass is always greener elsewhere, and we think that everyone else’s business is better than ours. Well, I have a surprise for you-it’s not true! Common misconception: how hard can it be to run a restaurant? Cook a few meals, serve them up and the customers keep rolling in. I don’t think so.

Ask anyone who has owned their own restaurant and you will hear a very specific tale about running a tough business.

Every single business has good points and bad points. The difference is which points you decide to focus on.

What can I do today?

Think about all the positive aspects of your business. Write them down. Whenever you find yourself feeling a little blue or depressed about what you are doing, read through the list to remind yourself just how good it really is.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Getting Caught, Steamship Misery[/tags]

All too often we find it a struggle to identify what it is we like about our lives and what we don’t like. I made up an exercise for myself a few years ago in which I started with a description of how I saw my life at the time-what I liked, what I didn’t like and what I wanted to change. Then I wrote another description about how I wanted my life to be, right down to how much money I wanted to earn, what type of woman I wanted to be in a relationship with, where I wanted to travel to and when, and even what kind of car I wanted to drive.

So here I had two bits of paper, one in each hand. One said where I was today and the other described where I wanted to be. Now I could get a clear picture in my head of where I was heading and why.

This is a very powerful exercise on many levels. For starters, it makes you stop and think about what is missing in your life and what you really want to achieve. Statistically, less than 5 per cent of people have written goals like this. Interestingly enough, the people who are the most successful normally fit into that group.

Defining the goals that you want to achieve can be tough. I tend to break them up into a few categories, including business, relationship, health, financial and spiritual. Regard­less of how you want to go about defining where you are going, just doing it is a great start. Be a little flexible. It isn’t an exam with right or wrong answers.

What can I do today?

Write down all the things about your life that you like or don’t like on a piece of paper. Then, on a separate piece of paper, write down how you would like your life to be. Make it as specific as you can.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Your Life[/tags]

Then things started to happen that made me realise I was heading down a dangerous road. One day I actually listened to what I was saying when a friend asked me how things were going; to my shock I realised I’d responded with my standard tirade without even stopping to think how things really were going. My friend’s eyes glazed over, my mouth was on auto­matic pilot. As this weird, negative little action went on, I realised I was reinforcing my negative beliefs.

The second notable thing was that people stopped referring clients to me. I noticed that my referral rate was dropping and at first I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong- well, I was, but it wasn’t what I thought. I asked a few close colleagues why, expecting to hear some bad news. They looked at me, quite surprised, and said, ‘Andrew, you are always so busy. We didn’t want to send you any more clients because you made it clear you didn’t want any more.’

What a realisation! I had to rebuild my entire thought and speech process, to retrain myself. I made a list of the words, phrases, terms and quotes I used that were negative-and there were quite a few. I made a commitment to myself to stop using them from that day on, and I did. In fact, as soon as I started to use a ‘standard response’ of any kind I would stop talking, collect my thoughts and begin again. Eventually I didn’t need my list anymore, so I took it off the wall and burned it.

I suggest you do the same. If we tell people often enough that life is horrible, it’s so hard to run your own business, staff are terrible, the market is down, we are doing it tough finan­cially, we materialise these thoughts into reality.

If you turn these negatives into positives, the results are astounding. My rate of referrals has since gone through the roof and I will never ever moan about how busy I am again.

What can I do today?

Make up a list of the negative terms, words, phrases and quotes that are limiting you. Make a conscious effort to eliminate them from your life and replace them with positive, energetic and enthusiastic responses. When you are ready, burn the list of the old limiting words-you will never need them again.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Negative Words[/tags]

I saw an extreme example of a limiting belief on a trip to Sri Lanka recently. In an elephant orphanage, the elephants seemed to be held in their places by a length of string tied around one back leg. Clearly the elephants could have broken away in a second but apparently they never did. The reason for this was explained by one of the handlers.

When the elephant babies are brought in to the centre a chain is attached to one leg to hold them in their pens. Of course they struggle and fight, but eventually they give up, accepting that whenever they are chained it is pointless to resist. Over time the chain is replaced by a thick rope, then a thinner and thinner rope until it is virtually little more than a piece of string. By now, however, the slightest pressure on the elephant’s leg makes it think it cannot move from that particular spot. Without going into the ethics of this treatment, it is clear to see how a limiting belief is used to control the elephants.

People are not a lot different. We all have our own limiting beliefs. Many websites have been written about this concept, and various ways developed to overcome our negative core beliefs.

In business I see the following five major negative beliefs every day. I believe they really do stop people from succeeding, and make life so much harder for business owners than it has to be:

1. Small business is meant to be hard.
2. You have to work really long hours to be successful in your own business.
3. You can never make huge amounts of money in a small business.
4. You have to sacrifice a lot to have your own business.
5. Most small businesses fail.

Now then-if you hold these core beliefs, why on earth are you in business? I have to admit, somewhat shamefacedly, that I held them myself for many years, and saw it almost as a personal challenge to prove them wrong.

Over time, and with the beneficial advice of too many people to list here, I came to realise these beliefs are not right.

• There is no reason at all why owning a small business should be tougher than any other way of making a living.
• Working really long hours is not a prerequisite to building a successful business.
• I know many, many people who have made and are making millions of dollars per year from their small business.
• I don’t consider anything I do in business to be a sacri­fice-it is more a matter of determining my priorities.
• Most small businesses fail for very predictable reasons. If you are aware of these pitfalls your chances of success are very high.

What negative beliefs are holding you back? Search deep within and see what nerves are touched when you explore some of the above thoughts. Once you have identified your limiting beliefs, replace each one with a positive belief. It takes time to change negative beliefs, but with perseverance you will.What can I do today?

Identify your own negative beliefs, whatever they may be. Write each one down and then alongside it write a positive belief you want to have instead. From this point on, read the positive versions every day for at least a month.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Limiting Beliefs, Out Of Control[/tags]

In this section I address the negative thoughts that we hold as true, often without even realising it, and how they are reinforced by and manifested in what we say and do.

Often we think of balance and harmony as being about sitting on a mountain and chanting. Sure, that would be great, but a lot of the time we don’t have a mountain handy and we need something a little more convenient. Closer to earth, simply changing what we say and how we say it can have an incredible impact on our sense of wellbeing.

It’s a recognised truth that if you say something often enough, even if it’s utterly wrong, eventually you will come to believe it and so will the people around you. Here we examine some of the negative speech and thought patterns that lead to a sense of being overwhelmed and to a loss of balance-and, most importantly, what you can do about it.

#13 What are the limiting beliefs that keep your life out of control?

#14 Make a list of the negative words you use and burn it

#15 What words describe your life now and in the future?

#16 Avoid getting caught on Steamship Misery

#17 Gossiping, moaning and complaining-end it today!

#18 Identify the people who cause you problems and do something about them

#19 When you start to lose control-stop, breathe and regain focus

#20 Compliment others, be positive to others, be supportive of others

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Regain Balance[/tags]

Part of your investment in time will be taken up when you sit and plan what you want your life to be like. Another part will be used to go to seminars, read websites, talk to other like-minded people, to get fit, to learn better techniques for managing people, and for reflection. Time is our most precious commodity and the one most of us complain we don’t have enough of. Of course, the old cliché is that we all have the same amount of time available (and I don’t really need to talk about the likes of Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch and Richard Branson all having the same amount of time as we do). Using your time to bring balance and harmony back into your life will reap great benefits for you and all those people close to you.

Your energy will be needed on a number of levels. You need energy to make the changes necessary to bring balance back to your life. You need energy to break out of the ‘comfort zone’ (the safety of the familiar) that tends to hold us in the state of being overwhelmed, and you need energy to keep going once you have made these breaks. The more successful you become in business the more opportunities and distractions come your way. Each one of them can play a role in throwing balance out the window. Energy is a powerful weapon in the harmony arsenal.

And last but by no means least is cash. You will have to invest in yourself in order to get fit, to reward yourself, to learn new skills and to change the way you do business. The amount you need to spend will depend entirely on you. If you are a self-starter and can get and stay fit on your own you probably won’t need a personal trainer, but if you are like me and need to have someone stalking you to get you moving, you will have to allocate money to this.

I find it quite strange that we are so focused on having money when we retire yet we devote very little time or money to maintaining our health and wellbeing in the meantime to ensure we get there! From where I sit I don’t want to ever retire, and I certainly don’t plan to. But I do want to be healthy and full of energy until the day I die. Investing in my health and wellbeing today is far more important to me than my retirement fund. You may disagree, but as always it’s up to the individual.

The moral to this tip is that to fuel the changes necessary to have a long, healthy and rewarding life in which business is a major component, it is very likely that you will have to be prepared to invest time, energy and money on a regular basis.

What can I do today?

How much time, energy and money are you prepared to invest in yourself to get your life the way you want it to be? Clearly this is not an easy question to answer, but it is a great question to ask. There is no right or wrong amount, but the important message is the realisation that you will need to invest in your Life Bank.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Invest[/tags]

Having a list of things that you have always wanted to do (the ‘one day I will’ list) makes them more real. My list is long (about 30 items) and ranges from spending a month in India to feeling a polar bear’s fur. I am glad to say that I have achieved a few of these things in recent years, and that feels sensational. Quite often I find more things to add-there are no hard and fast rules to this tip. It’s your list-make it what you want. Sometimes you might even want to take a few things off, because as time goes by you can change and they may no longer be as important to you.

What you do with this list, like the others you make as you work your way through this section, is of course up to you. I made up a folder that holds all my information, and that works for me. I keep it handy and review it almost every day. Some of the more important parts I have laminated and placed on my wall. I don’t care who reads them; in fact I find that it motivates my friends to get off their backsides and put their own lives into action mode.

Life is short, but we have the opportunity to do so much. By taking control of your life and putting your business back into perspective you will get to enjoy so many more of the amazing things this planet has to offer. Some are huge, some are small, but most are worthwhile. Running your own business is an amazing experience and provides a true sense of accomplishment, but this is magnified one hundred times if you can enjoy your social life at the same time.

What can I do today?

Make up your own list of things you have always wanted to do but have never had enough time, money, energy or courage to do. And then start working your way through them.

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance[/tags]

I suggest that you visit your chosen medical advisor and get a thorough check-up. Use it as a baseline. Where is your body at today? Whether mainstream or alternative (and best start with the mainstream if you are aware of anything significant, and even if you aren’t), they will probably get you to have a number of tests, prod and poke you a bit, and give you advice that you don’t want to hear, but the information will help.

Tell them that you are planning to make some significant changes in your life and this is one of the first stages. They may be able to recommend some professionals or organisations to help you.

I donate blood once a month, and have done so for almost 20 years off and on. I do this for three reasons: first, I get to lie on a bed for an hour and have a little quiet time, followed by a cup of tea, a biscuit and a chat to one of the lovely old ladies who looks after the donors. Second, it makes me feel that I am doing something good for society. Last but not least, I get a free check-up once a month. Before taking my blood they give me a fairly comprehensive physical that covers blood pressure, weight and various other things. If there is anything wrong it gets picked up quickly and lets me keep track of key health indicators. Occasionally I get a letter from the blood bank saying my last donation showed an issue that needs to be followed up; a quick visit to my doctor and all is well.

What can I do today?

Have a baseline physical done. This is another way of measur­ing the positive changes that occur with letting harmony find a way back into your life. You decide what type of advice you are after, but make an appointment for a complete check-up today

[tags]Balance Life, out of balance, Doctor, Healer, Naturopath[/tags]